The event took place last year, when I was reading the
module “Critical thinking and writing”. For this module, we are required to do
a group project in which we had to do research and present our findings in the
form of a final report.
In my group, were two
other members, one was a close friend of mine and the other was a student whom
we both did not know (I shall name him “X”). Initially, everything went well
and we all did our fair share of work. However, mid-way through our project, I
started to notice “X” contributing less and less. He did not do his part of the
project that we had assigned him, and he was also absent for our weekly meetings.
Since he was absent during our meetings, he did not contribute his findings to
the project. My friend and I were both furious at “X” because we had to do his
share of the workload in addition to our own parts. Prior to the day of our
report submission, I decided to confront “X”, to find out the reason behind his
lack of participation. If he fails to give a valid reason, I was going to
report him to our tutor. I told “X” to stay back after class, after everyone
had left the room. Filled with anger, I immediately shouted at him, asking for
a good explanation as to why he did not do his share of work. In response, he
kept his head down, and remained silent. I asked him again furiously, hitting
the table with my fist at the same time. He was startled but again did not
reply to my question. He left the classroom shortly after, without giving me an
answer. My friend and I had no choice but to report him to our tutor for his
lack of contribution.
After the end of the module, I decided to have a serious
talk with “X” to find out the reason behind his shortcomings. He revealed to me
that his father had passed away some time during the course of the module. With
the main breadwinner of the family gone, he needed to do part time jobs to earn
some money for his family. His mother was already working full time but her
income was not enough to cover the family’s expenses. He told me that he did
not want to reveal any personal problems he had during the semester, as
everyone has problems of their own. He explained that he had good intentions
for our project and tried his best to contribute. However, work had taken up
almost all of his free time and he could not find the time to work on his part. As a result of being reported to our tutor,
“X” was marked down for the project and did not do well for the module. I felt
terrible that I had caused “X” to receive a bad grade and realized that I
should not have reported the situation to our tutor, without listening to the
real explanation from him.
My friends, what do you think I could have done differently,
to deal with the situation better?
(Sincere, apologies, this comment had to be posted in parts due to it length)
ReplyDeleteSean, I think you were right in your decision of consulting him to ask for an explanation before bringing the matter up to your tutor. This clearly shows that you had the good intentions to give him a chance to explain himself. However, what I think might have been a better way of handling the situation was for you to have approached him while you all were still in the midst of working on the project. This would have been better than waiting till the end where everything has been done; confronting him in this case no longer grants him the opportunity to be able to rectify the situation. This reflects clearly the importance of communication when we are working in a team. By communicating, we allow ourselves and others to be heard, and from this we are able to remove any obstacles that may stand in the way of accomplishing our goal and work on the project more effectively.
Based on the situation illustrated, I think the issue also lies in the way that you have chosen to approach “X”. A question that I think you can ponder upon is why do you think “X” was unwilling to share with you the first time you approached him and yet was willing to open up and share when you approached him the second time? My suggestion is that perhaps this has something to do with the manner of your approach. On the first occasion, you immediately shouted at him asking him for an explanation and this even escalated to involve a violent non-verbal sign of banging the table. In this case, if I were in the shoes of “X” I would have closed up and not be willing to share with you. Rather than asking me for an explanation, both your verbal and non-verbal signs seem to show that you are more demanding for an explanation. Furthermore, your action of hitting table would have made me afraid to say anything for fear of you becoming violent towards me. I can comprehend the anger that you must have been feeling at that point of time, having to do additional work, however, this way would not benefit any party. The better way of handling the situation calls to mind some of the emotional intelligence principles that we have learnt, mainly that of self-awareness and self-regulation. By being aware and understanding your anger at that point of time would have prevented you from letting your emotions take control and causing you to blow your top at “X”. Furthermore, by being conscious of your emotions, you could have taken measures such as going away for a moment to cool down and deal with the anger first before approaching “X”. During the confrontation, empathy could have also assisted you in better handling the situation. By empathising, you are able to read the non-verbal signs that “X” was sending out (keeping his head down, being silent) and recognise what his emotions were. You would perhaps then be able to tell that maybe he was sad about something and was afraid to share. This knowledge could have guided your conversation with him, and given him the confidence to be able to share his reasons with you.
ReplyDeleteAt this point however, I would also like to add that it is not entirely your fault for the eventual outcome. “X” would have to bear part of the responsibility himself as well as he could have told you about his predicament in the midst of the project. Such mutual understanding could have made things better and given you and your other group mates a chance to support him and still together work on the project rather than having ill feelings built up overtime. As I recall Dr Radhika’s comments in our first lesson, the importance is to communicate with one another. She told us that if we had any issues submitting something on time or if we are going to be late for class, the professional way of handling things is to communicate and explain our reasons. Similarly, “X” could have communicated with your group as well as your tutor about his situation. I am not saying that this is to be used as an excuse for him to run away from the work altogether, rather alternative solutions could have been made possible such as an extension of the submission deadline.
ReplyDeleteUpon these reflections, we are thus able to see the pivotal role that communication plays in conflict management.
I totally agree with Stephanie on this one. One thing though- it would definitely have served X in good stead to have communicated the real problem to you and the group right from the outset- afterall bereavement in the family is natural. Everyone experiences it at some point in their lives. Then you and the other group member would probably have empathised with him.
ReplyDelete